#71

I never acknowledge that IT was a problem before. That IT was an anomaly existing inside of me – I knew IT was unusual but I accepted it as if IT was a part of me.

And I felt comforted by IT – like it was a safeplace for me to go. And that’s okay because IT wanted me and I wanted IT.

I was addicted to IT. More and more I went for IT and more and more IT was consuming me.

IT was tearing part of me, so little at first I hardly noticed. Bit by bit, piece by piece and I start detaching people around me until hardly there was anyone left.

I started making excuses for IT. I lied, I came up with just anything only to be with IT. Because now I needed IT – to survive, to live, to be normal.

And I believed it was normal. I believed it was okay. I believed IT was for me as I was for IT.

But it never was. IT was never there for me.

#70

I lost pieces of me. To you, to everyone else.

I gave part of me away. Sometimes too small to notice.

But I’m left; desolated.

#68

I’m scared of how it is all coming back to me. It took a long time for me to be at this place right now. Yet now, I am back to square one all over again.

I wish it ends soon. Or I have to end myself with it.

-V.H

#67

 

I miss your scent, your smile, the wrinkle around your eyes

But,

above all I miss us.

-V.H

#66

At this moment I’m at the lowest point in my life. I’m demotivated, I feel useless, worthless. Honestly, I feel like a piece of shit. I wake up in the morning and I don’t know what to do.

And you know what I do? I eat. I eat and eat and eat. It doesn’t make the feelings go away but it makes me occupied for a while. I felt lost, not really knowing what to do. Not knowing what ways, I can do to improve.

So, I just sat in my bed. Sometimes I go to sleep, because when I wake up the day is over. Then, I go to sleep again.  I feel like whatever I’ve been doing leading up to this have all been for nothing.

I’m fucking tired of this.

Sometimes I tried, to be positive, to just push through the day and be happy and try to make something out of it but then I am reminded of how no one really recognizes what I do.

So, what’s the point? And I just ended up stopped doing anything that I was doing.

Somehow, I need to break this cycle. Or else I would lose myself.

fuck.

-V.H

#62

 

It’s easier to push people away, rather than letting them in.

-V.H

#60

As I grew older, I became more and more afraid of the future. Of those uncertainties, of what yet to come.

The fear of falling apart makes me settled for something less. Because it’s easier, it’s safer and it’s what everyone else is doing.

I used to be proud of myself, of what I wanted to do, of all the things I wanted to achieve. I pride myself on that you know.

Once, I used to walk tall. But as life goes by, I kept getting shorter and now without I even realized I’m barely standing.

-V.H

#58

Yesterday, I closed another chapter in my life. One that I fought so hard for.

Ending this part of my life, I was reborn; a better matured person. And during that time, I learned how painful heartbroken is, how people eventually grew apart of one another and how at the end, if it was never meant for you, it will never be yours.

To all of whom I met and knew, the memories will forever be part of me. To those few whom I had the chance to be close with, remember that there is a special place in my heart for you guys. Those late night trips, all those random things we did I will treasure it the most. For I know that everything happened for a reason and you guys will be forever missed.

-V.H

 

#55

You changed my world completely. And now,

You’re nowhere to be found.

-V.H

 

 

#54

” I for you and you for me. That’s all I need “

But one day you left as I am no longer enough for you.

-V.H