#66

At this moment I’m at the lowest point in my life. I’m demotivated, I feel useless, worthless. Honestly, I feel like a piece of shit. I wake up in the morning and I don’t know what to do.

And you know what I do? I eat. I eat and eat and eat. It doesn’t make the feelings go away but it makes me occupied for a while. I felt lost, not really knowing what to do. Not knowing what ways, I can do to improve.

So, I just sat in my bed. Sometimes I go to sleep, because when I wake up the day is over. Then, I go to sleep again.  I feel like whatever I’ve been doing leading up to this have all been for nothing.

I’m fucking tired of this.

Sometimes I tried, to be positive, to just push through the day and be happy and try to make something out of it but then I am reminded of how no one really recognizes what I do.

So, what’s the point? And I just ended up stopped doing anything that I was doing.

Somehow, I need to break this cycle. Or else I would lose myself.

fuck.

-V.H

#60

As I grew older, I became more and more afraid of the future. Of those uncertainties, of what yet to come.

The fear of falling apart makes me settled for something less. Because it’s easier, it’s safer and it’s what everyone else is doing.

I used to be proud of myself, of what I wanted to do, of all the things I wanted to achieve. I pride myself on that you know.

Once, I used to walk tall. But as life goes by, I kept getting shorter and now without I even realized I’m barely standing.

-V.H