#71

I never acknowledge that IT was a problem before. That IT was an anomaly existing inside of me – I knew IT was unusual but I accepted it as if IT was a part of me.

And I felt comforted by IT – like it was a safeplace for me to go. And that’s okay because IT wanted me and I wanted IT.

I was addicted to IT. More and more I went for IT and more and more IT was consuming me.

IT was tearing part of me, so little at first I hardly noticed. Bit by bit, piece by piece and I start detaching people around me until hardly there was anyone left.

I started making excuses for IT. I lied, I came up with just anything only to be with IT. Because now I needed IT – to survive, to live, to be normal.

And I believed it was normal. I believed it was okay. I believed IT was for me as I was for IT.

But it never was. IT was never there for me.